Dad, daughter develop deeper bond on 50-mile walk with God
Rick Rush and his 14-year-old daughter Virginia flash smiles during the 50-mile pilgrimage they made to El Santuario de Chimayo in New Mexico, where a local resident in 1810 followed a light on Good Friday and discovered a 6-foot, wooden crucifix buried in a hillside, a discovery that eventually led to a small, adobe Catholic church to be built there. (Submitted photo)
By John Shaughnessy
Rick Rush understands that the journey that a father and a child share in a lifetime is filled with many twists and turns, stories and memories, yet he already knows he will forever savor the experience he recently shared with his oldest child, Virginia, as she approached her 15th birthday.
Rick and his wife Lauren have always tried to do something extra special for their four children when they reach their fifth and 10th birthdays, adventures that have included a trip to Chicago, horseback riding and an overnight stay in a hotel with a shopping excursion. But Rush searched for something different for Virginia this time, something that had the potential to connect them more personally.
“I wanted to do something hard but good with her,” he says. “Something that she would know that I would be there to accompany her, that she would know that her parents love her in a way that we will always be there for her, in the good and the hard.”
He thought he had found what he was looking for when he listened as the podcast “Catholic Stuff You Should Know” aired a segment that focused on Creatio, a Colorado-based organization that offers pilgrimages. There was a 50-mile walking pilgrimage being offered in New Mexico from March 26-29 of this year, which fit in perfectly with Virginia’s spring break from Bishop Chatard High School in Indianapolis.
“It’s about having an experience where you get to encounter God in creation,” says Rush, who is 43 and a member of St. Joan of Arc Parish in Indianapolis. “I thought, ‘Oh wow, that would be really neat. I wonder if Virginia would enjoy doing that?’ ”
Virginia resisted the idea, in part because of a knee injury she sustained while running for the school’s
cross-country team. The thought of walking 50 miles in three days in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in northern New Mexico made her hesitate. And even when she agreed to the trip, there was still some fear for her when they flew into Denver and began the five-hour car trip to Taos, N.M., where the pilgrimage would start.
“At first, I did not want to go at all,” Virginia recalls with a smile. “I felt he was forcing me. I wanted to stay connected with all my friends.”
Her father had his own concerns for the pilgrimage that would eventually lead to El Santuario de Chimayo, where pilgrims have come for more than 200 years. The shrine, a National Historic Landmark, designates the site where a local resident in 1810 followed a light on Good Friday and discovered a 6-foot, wooden crucifix buried in a hillside, a discovery that eventually led to a small, adobe Catholic church to be built there.
“As much as I was excited to do it, I really tried hard to lower my expectations,” he says about the pilgrimage. “I was trying not to put any false hope that she’s going to have a beautiful, aha moment or I’m going to have this super awareness that Christ is moving through her.”
The first day on foot was a revelation for both of them, including how they each reacted to walking 20 miles that day—a journey that started with most of the first 11 miles being straight uphill.
‘It was great to see her come alive’
Led by two young guides who view themselves as missionaries, dad and daughter joined a group of six other pilgrims from across the United States and Canada as they began the steep start of the journey.
“When it was flat or downhill, I was in pretty good shape,” recalls Rush, the director of capital projects for the archdiocese. “When it was uphill, my body reminded me I’m not used to it. The 11-mile uphill hike to start us off, that was like ‘Whoa!’ The last two miles seemed to be steeper than the first nine. It wasn’t easy. I was in the background puffing along, trying to keep up with the group.”
While that hike left him breathing heavily, watching Virginia during that first day took his breath away in a positive way. The 14-year-old—she will be 15 in August—was quickly embraced by four women in their 30s, 40s and 50s.
“Virginia just settled in with these four women,” her dad says, flashing a smile that reflects a father’s joy and pride. “She was giggling and having a great time with the ladies. There wasn’t a care in the world. It was great to see her come alive.”
As the youngest person on the pilgrimage, Virginia enjoyed being welcomed by the older women.
“When we were walking the first day, I was trying to get to know people, so it would be more interesting,” she says. “All the women there were so nice. And I enjoyed hearing all the stories they had.”
Her father experienced his own defining conversation with another pilgrim.
A prayer and a fresh perspective
After the grueling 20-mile hike on the first day, Rush had doubts about being able to follow it up with another 20-mile hike the next day. A conversation with another pilgrim—a Capuchin Franciscan priest—gave Rush a different perspective to consider.
“He helped me re-center some of my thoughts—that a pilgrim isn’t someone out on a hike trying to achieve something, but someone who is walking and experiencing God in the world so that we can then go back and experience God in our daily life.”
That fresh perspective also led to a similar one concerning his daughter.
In planning the trip, Rush started with a prayer that all parents have for their children—that their children know how much they are loved by their mother and father, that they know their parents will always be there for them. The second day of hiking—and the long, quiet moments of reflection that came with it—provided Rush with an extended part of that prayer, one as beautiful as the scenery all around them on the pilgrimage.
“I learned very quickly in that prayer that God accompanies her, even without me needing to necessarily be that presence for her,” he says. “She found other people who were clearly a presence for her. She didn’t need a lot of my attention.”
Virginia also felt that God was accompanying her on the pilgrimage.
“As I was trying to make connections with the people, I was also kind of making that connection with God,” she says. “Just being in nature makes me feel closer to God a lot of times. So, being in so much nature in New Mexico, it was like the rest of the world melted away and that just made me feel a lot closer to God.
“I think what God was trying to say to me was that, instead of thinking about how people would judge me or think lesser of me for anything I would do, I should just try to be engaged in the people I meet because God might be speaking to me through those people.”
As Virginia felt God’s presence more during the pilgrimage, she was also surprised by how her dad stayed so much in the background for her during the journey.
‘It makes me feel good’
“He wasn’t talking that much honestly. He was very introverted, which is weird, because he’s not an introverted person,” she says. “I feel like he tried to let me have my own experience, which was nice. It wasn’t like I was going on it with him. It was more like he was accompanying me and being there for me if I needed him to be there for me. He wasn’t pressuring me to hang out with him or talk with him afterward.”
Still, dad and daughter shared moments together. They started each day beside each other during the daily Masses that were part of the pilgrimage. And they played cards together at the end of the long days of hiking.
Rush also enjoyed observing his daughter’s interactions with the other pilgrims.
“On the second day of hiking, I found myself thinking, ‘How cool that she is a pilgrim. She’s already walked 20 miles. We’re now on our next 20. And she’s fully present with these other people she’s never met. She’s the coolest 14-year-old I know.’ ”
Virginia’s smile grows wide when she hears those words.
“It makes me feel good that he thinks of me like that,” she says.
The second day of the pilgrimage also provided her favorite moment.
‘We were all present to the experience’
“We went to Mass at this little church on the second day,” Virginia says. “We had just walked 19 miles. We were all really tired. After Mass, we were all together and talking. The sun was setting, and there were all these mountains and cliffs that fell off below. It was just really beautiful.”
A day later, they finished with a 9-mile walk to El Santuario de Chimayo, where they participated in Palm Sunday Mass together.
“We walked almost 50 miles with these amazing people from all walks of life and got to know them,” Rush says. “We were all present to the experience.”
His thoughts turned to Virginia when he added, “To know that you can do great things and you’re loved—who else would have had that experience over spring break?”
There was one more memorable, fun and unique experience for dad and daughter to share before they returned to Indianapolis.
In agreeing to make the pilgrimage, Viginia told her dad, “I’m going to need a pedicure after this!”
Upon their return to Denver, as they stayed in a hotel before their flight home, Rush made it happen.
“We had a little bit of time on Monday, so the two of us got a pedicure before we flew out,” he recalls, flashing another huge smile. “I had not had a pedicure before. It was a silly experience that capped everything in a fun way.”
The impact of the pilgrimage continues three months later. For Rush, that impact has come with a perspective about parents and children that is both insightful and touching.
‘I need fresh eyes sometimes to see her’
As a dad, Rush knows that parents put a lot of weight on trying to help a child grow, to become a better person. During the pilgrimage, he learned to take time to notice Virginia in a different way.
“I need fresh eyes sometimes to see her,” he says. “When we got home, there was a moment where Virginia and Lauren were arguing with each other over normal things, like putting things away or something, and Virginia kind of received it. I just kind of watched things. And I just asked myself, ‘I wonder if she wants to be seen new?’
“You come back from this experience, and everyone expects you to be like who you were, and then it’s a little disappointing when you’re not seen as new. Not to say we all don’t go back down that winding path of reverting to somewhat of how we were. But I do see that newness in her—of where she’s had this experience of accomplishing something hard and beautiful. And she did it with some amazing people who weren’t like her and weren’t from where she’s from. Even though it was just three days.”
He pauses before adding, “For me, that’s the difference of how I went into the pilgrimage versus how I left it. Having fresh eyes for me to see her with. And so, seeing her with that newness, she really is the coolest 14-year-old I know.”
Since sharing the pilgrimage together, Virginia sees something different in her relationship with her dad, too.
“I feel we’re like closer in a way, and I feel he trusts me more, I think. I hope,” she says. “I think he thinks of me more as his peer from what I’ve experienced. And less of like, ‘This is my child who I have to watch over.’ Now I feel it’s like I’m somebody he can talk to in a way that he couldn’t before.”
Rush knows there will be other defining moments in the years ahead with Virginia, but the pilgrimage will always be a special part of their journey together as dad and daughter.
“You think about when your kid goes to high school or gets their driver’s license or goes away to college,” he says. “Those moments carry a greater weight. When I look back on the pilgrimage, I’ll reference it as a watershed moment between who I knew Virginia to be and who I am seeing Virginia becoming.” †
