Reflection offers a reminder: dad’s ‘I love you’ often comes in actions
(Editor’s note: The Criterion invited our readers to share their stories about how their father’s influence has shaped their life and their faith. Here is one of their stories.)
By John Shaughnessy
One in an occasional series
For some fathers, the words, “I love you,” never came easily. And certainly not as often as a child wanted or needed to hear from someone who was so much a force and a presence in his or her life.
Still, there were those cherished moments when a child knew that love and felt that love.
Two such moments have stayed with Don Striegel through the years when he thinks of his father.
One of them takes him back to his childhood when he was the fourth youngest of the 11 children of Carl and Agnes Striegel.
“Growing up in a family of 11 children on a small farm didn’t lend itself to a lot of one-on-one time with my father,” recalls Striegel about growing up in Dubois County in far southern Indiana. “Our family generally did not outwardly display love and affection for each other, including parent to child. Rather, we tended to show affection by action and example more so than words.
“In my early teens, I started to assume more responsibility for helping run the farm, doing more chores and learning how to tend animals, prepare fields, plant and tend crops, harvest and store grain in barns, under the guidance of my father and mother.
“Farm hands were not necessarily rewarded for the hard work, but an occasional special treat was welcome. One time that comes to mind is when I would accompany my dad to the mill with grain to be sold or ground for livestock feed. On our way home, dad would stop at a tavern for a well-deserved beer and camaraderie. Dad would hand me a quarter for a treat, an ice cream drumstick … yum!”
At 82, Striegel can still taste the sweetness of that treat in his memory, a sweetness that goes far beyond the flavor of an ice cream cone.
The lasting power of the second moment is more poignant, showing the humble pleas of parents’ prayers and the deep anger of a father when he feels his child is being treated unfairly.
“After graduation and a couple of years in the local work force, I was drafted into the U.S. Army, serving for two years, including deployment to Vietnam,” notes Striegel, a member of St. Jude Parish in Indianapolis. “My parent’s prayers were answered, and I returned home safely and resumed local employment.
“Since the Vietnam War was continuing to expand after my discharge, the U.S. Army ordered me to attend a two-week summer camp. My dad was furious that after a tour in a war zone, I was required to train with recruits. He tried several avenues to release me from that duty. Alas, the Army ignored his pleas, and in August 1967 off to Minnesota I go. After two days of field exercises, I was called back to unit headquarters by the chaplain.”
The conversation that followed rocked Striegel.
When the chaplain began by asking, “Has your father been ill?” Striegel responded that his dad had suffered from heart disease for nearly 12 years. The chaplain then shared, “I regret to tell you that your father has passed.”
The days that followed were naturally hard ones for him—“returning home and spending time to mourn our loss with my mother and siblings.”
At the same time, he relied on the Catholic faith that his parents shared with him.
“I don’t harbor any hard feelings for the Army, but rather I take comfort that God in his time decided that my dad had suffered enough and took him home,” Striegel says.
Years later, those two moments—the sweetness associated with the ice cream treat and the impassioned efforts toward the Army—remain vivid reminders of how his father showed his love through his actions.
Those moments connect to the core values that Striegel says he learned from his father—working hard, being frugal, leading by example, being involved in the community, trusting in God, offering any suffering to Christ, and always giving thanks for your blessings.
Striegel’s thanks extend to his wife of 56 years, Dorothy, their two children and their three grandchildren. His thanks also always include thoughts of his parents.
“As my career, family and personal life developed to the present day, I very much treasure and give thanks to my father and mother for influencing me with their strong Catholic faith and example that has guided me throughout my life.” †